I have been juggling everything in my life and family for far too long and I am about to break.

I have lost so many friends because of issues between them and Robert, and I about to cry because it hurts so much. I want them all to come back so that we can all be friends again, and I want them to get along with Robert as well. Sad thing is I know that this most likely will never happen and that saddens me even more. The end of high school really made things hard for me as well. The majority of my friends won't talk to me for some reason, and the ones that do don't want to hang out with me. Am I THAT terrible of a person? Do I really make everyone not really like me and just pretend to like me? I hope that isn't the case, I DO like having friends and people to talk to.

Well, Robert's sister, her wife, and their two kids came and visited ummmmm around a week ago and that made things really hard. The girls fought all the time, and they were staying at my dad's new house where Robert, my dad, and Liz are living. A fight between Robert, Liz, and one of the girls eventually started up and I had no idea what to do. I risked losing EVERYTHING between my sister, my close to new family... or new family if you look at the relation through Sam, and my fiance. The harder thing was that I was trying to get mom happy at home, I think she is always PMSing or something because she is almost always unhappy for something I have done. I know she is just trying to make my life work better, and I know that she loves me very much, she just is going about it in a very strange way and it is getting REALLY hard to deal with. Along with this, my dad has called me abusive in my relationship with Robert, and he no longer really supports us, even though if asked he will deny it to no end. My personal life is a wreck as all who read this can see.

Along with that there is the never-ending problems with school. I didn't get the IB diploma, which has gotten me in one of the WORST depressive states I have been in for a VERY long time. I mean, I tried my HARDEST to get it, and I missed by a VERY long shot. TT_TT So now I have no scholarships and I have 14 credits this semester with only 9 credit hours because of the night school I took through the school. The times that I have all of my classes may mean I go days without seeing Robert because he finally got a job, and yes I am very happy for him, but I am jealous of the time he spends at work, pathetic right?, and I don't know if I can take the stress for everything I need to do with the work I need to do with school and trying to make sure that I get to talk to him AND do all of my homework. I have no idea what path I need to go down in order to become a biomedical engineer and that is also freaking me out.

Everyone is expecting me to eventually move in to my dads house, but I am unable to bring myself to doing it. I mean, I would love to live with my hunny, but... I CAN'T stand living with my dad and my sister. I would KILL one of them, literally. They piss me off so much because of them always trying to fix everyone that either does or doesn't need to be fixed, and they are always telling us that we are basically stupid, and my sister manipulating everything makes me sooooooooooooooo frustrated.

There is soooo much more but I am done ranting for now, all I know is that I want the stress to end. OH and the pills that I have been taking for PCOS, pisses me off to NO end, I have increased THREE bra sizes in the last I think four months because of these pills and have mother nature visit me twice a month, are making me STRANGE. At least I am no longer seeing monsters in the shadows and having dizzy spells so bad while tripping off the pills that I need to grab a wall.